With this review, we’re going to introduce a slightly new format for our reviews around here… No fair that Hardware Annie and The Blonde get all the floor space! So, I’ll be posting their reviews interspersed with my own little parenthetical/italicized comments here and there from now on. Like a conversation, or something! –Madame Editrix

First, a mixed review from Hardware Annie:

Ah, the Boss Lady. She’ll blind you with her fluorescent neon hot pink body, but luckily you’re not looking at her often ;-) [Damn straight. This is a totally insane color. I'm amazed you can make a toy THIS pink, and still have a non-toxic product.] This toy definitely earns its name, towering at 8 3/4″ by 1 3/5″. It’s got a silicone body that’s very realistically shaped, and a shower-friendly splash proof plastic base.

The base has a swirly hot pink silicone design for grip, and has three buttons; Up, Down, and Booster. The last one being the large button on the bottom that when pressed, boosts the vibrations! Alas, you have to keep pressing it, so I never use it for quite as long as I want to, but if you press the button with each inward thrust it works just fine ;-) [I do wish the booster button would click on and stay on myself. Ah well, can't have everything.]

So as I said, this one is big. I definitely had to use lube, and even then took a little while to work myself up to it. Once in it felt great paired with another toy for clit stimulation! The shape certainly helps, and the head is curved just enough to hit the G-spot. Unfortunately because of the size I wasn’t able to do much with it. While thoroughly enjoyed, this one probably won’t be broken out too terribly often.

All in all, if you like big cock, you’ll love this! ;-) [That really sums it up for the Boss Lady: If you like big cock, it's fantastic—as The Blonde will attest below. If you're a fan of average-or-smaller peen, it'll be difficult for you to really enjoy it … or possibly even to fit it in.]

The Blonde “really, really” loved it:

Some say narcissism is a bad thing, but let’s face it: Loving yourself as thoroughly and as often as possible is necessary to a modern girl’s mental health, and I have found the key! Granted, I blush slightly when I admit it’s a large hot pink cock, but the Boss Lady’s German engineering will please even the harshest critics time and time again [Just so long as those critics like big cock, that is... hehe].

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Alrighty, the whole collaborative basis to this supposedly erotic-fiction-oriented site obviously got off the ground like a rock on a kite string. Apparently it’s time to switch focus … I have two kind souls assisting in toy reviews (not hard to find volunteers for THAT), but the fiction thing is just not happening. HOWEVER, there is still a niche in my brain that poor, neglected Cleveros can fit into! Hooray!

See, my other adult site: ThingsYouCantAskMom.com, is definitely focused solely on advice and informative/educational toy reviews. There is not much room there for me to just shoot my mouth off about sex, porn or irreverent adult crap. And as much as I like to shoot my mouth off, I’d like to keep that site exactly that way. SO. Cleveros is doomed to become my dirty soap-box, as it were. Sort of an internet megaphone for my dirty mind. I need SOMEWHERE to vent… sometimes 140 characters just isn’t enough!

But first, a little site rebuild… busy weekend ahead, yes indeedy.

Hardware Annie gives a big Thumbs Up!

Ah, the Acuvibe Mini! The smaller and more portable version of the Acuvibe. I really like this one, it may very well replace the Hitachi in my heart. The vibrations are comparable to the Hitachi’s low setting (just at a little higher frequency), it doesn’t keep me attached to the wall or use batteries, and it’s a much sleeker and less bulky 9″ with a 1 3/5″ diameter around the head.

For power, it recharges by being plugged into the wall for a few hours (8 hours when you first charge it), then you’re ready to go! The charger cord detaches completely from the Acuvibe. Unfortunately while charging it, it gives off a blue light that all manufacturers seem to think all electronics need while they’re charging/on that light up your room like a night light! So you might want to keep it covered if you’re charging it at night. And remember to charge it after each use!!! You’re in for a terrible disappointment if you don’t ; )

And now for the fun, the vibrations! Like I said earlier, I personally would compare the vibrations to the Hitachi’s low setting, with a higher frequency. it got a 4 out of 5 for volume and intensity over at Babeland, and I’m inclined to agree, maybe 3 stars for volume. It’s pretty quiet for the power it pumps out, and if it’s under a blanket (warning, not supposed to do that according to he manual, heh) it’s pretty well muffled (get it? Muffled?? Haha, sorry, I could help myself). Just have some music playing while you’re using her and none’ll be the wiser.

Now the anatomy. It’s body is plastic and just under 7″ and a 2″ vinyl slightly curved head with a small flexible gap between the two to make up 9″ and to . The head doesn’t have any padding like the Hitachi does, but I certainly don’t notice much difference.

Over all, I’m very satisfied with this one!

But while using this fine product, I want you all to remember “Never drop or insert any object into any opening.” The Acuvibe Mini’s User Manual says so! So whatever you guys are thinking, just don’t do it!

The Blonde is not so excited.

I was really excited at the prospect of reviewing the Acuvibe Mini. I read some other reviews and the “Mini Hitachi” sounded right up my alley (I love, love, love, love, LOVE my Magic Wand)! Have to say though… I was a little disappointed with the Acuvibe Mini once I got my hands on it.

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The Blonde said it was a tease…

I was rather disappointed at the Tuyo. It’s a lovely, visually attractive sphere about the size of a baseball, composed of two halves of hard non-porous plastic connected around a center ring of medical grade silicone. The two halves open up to reveal the battery installation thingy and then seal tightly around the silicone to form a water resistant seal. (Careful!!! The edges of the plastic halves are freaking sharp and will cut the shit out of an unsuspecting thumb.) The seal is tight enough for fun in the shower, but is not designed for submersion.

The Tuyo is designed with a multitude of increasingly strong vibrations then a selection of vibration patterns. Very pretty toy, awesome vibrational options, I just couldn’t get off. Because of its spherical shape I couldn’t seem to get the right angle on it. And we’re talking bracing against all sorts of things, bed, floor, shower wall, sex partner. It would titillate the entire vulvar region, get my ciltoris delightfully engorged and then fail to get me off.

I would totally recommend it for women who are more sensitive than the rock ‘em sock ‘em girls of my ilk, or for those individuals who are trying to introduce toys into the bedroom and don’t want to intimidate anyone with a giant vibrating dong. But if you like your vibrations on the assertive side, Tuyo is not going to rock your world.

…and Hardware Annie agreed.

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The Blonde thinks it’s Delight-ful:

In the Eco Delight kit, Babeland has created a user-friendly, attractive group of products designed to gently initiate those of us who are new to the world of pleasure toys, and delight those of us looking to add new toys to our collection. The kit includes three natural rubber condoms, Babeland’s organic lube, a soy wax scented candle (that turns into massage oil when burned), and the Fun Factory Delight vibrator.

Mamba Condoms
I had never encountered “natural rubber” condoms before, so I decided to really put them to the test. The material feels a bit thicker than comon latex condoms, and when subjected to a variety of “stress tests” (stretching, withstanding punctures, being filled with water and flung against hard surfaces), Mamba condoms withstood rigorous abuse much better than normal store-bought brands. Additional benefits include a more natural feel and less tendency to slip off during creative positions and heavy lube (they’re sized to fit a bit more snugly than most condoms).

Even better, the material didn’t aggravate my latex allergies like regular condoms! So if you are sensitive to latex too, but don’t like using polyurethane condoms, these might be perfect for you. The only drawback I found was a rather over-powering rubber smell. Good thing the lube was scented!

Babeland Naked Organic Lube
And yes, the lube. Ahh, the lube! One doesn’t regularly think of all the many wonderful things about lube besides the whole “insert object into tight spaces” use. Well, I’ve clearly never been properly educated. Babeland’s organic Naked lube is possibly the best lube I have ever tried. Initially I was slightly put off by the thick “gel” consistency, but not for long.

The natural ingredients provide exceptional lubrication without losing sensation. You never encounter the “oops, too much lube” problem, where you suddenly feel nothing but squish instead of sensation. It’s lightly scented with vanilla and citrus, for a pleasant but subtle smell. As a water-based lube, it’s fully condom (and toy) compatible. And one of the best things about Naked lube is clean-up: If you happen to miss a spot somewhere, it absorbs into your skin instead of gluing your skin to the bedsheets or leaving squishy spots behind in the morning.

Soy Massage Candle
The soy wax massage candle is wonderfully scented with an exotic combination of floral notes (”rice flower” is the scent included in the kit). When lit, it gently fills the room with fragrance, while the wax melts into a decent massage “oil”. When you use the wax for a massage though, be careful not to ruin your foreplay if you drip the wax directly onto your partner. Either hold the candle about a foot away from their skin, or drip it into the palm of your hand and then rub it on their body. (And keep in mind that it does leave a slight waxy residue if you don’t massage it in very thoroughly, or hop in the shower afterward.)

Delight G-Spot Vibe
And the best part of the kit has to be the Delight g-spot vibrator! Fun Factory’s Delight is quickly replacing my other toys as my absolute, any-mood, any-where favorite. Let’s hear it for German engineering!

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